I'm no stranger to late nights but lately I'm often kept awake for the wrong reasons. Instead of pondering over the usual stuff, I find myself immersed in the unhappiest of thoughts and I really don't like that.
Unhappy thoughts inevitably leave me unhappy and even though I don't stay that way for long, I can't lie or deny the after-effect it brings along.
I feel absolutely drained out of energy even though I may have just woken up from some crazy >12 hours sleep.
I wake up groggy and moody, despondent and disappointed. I'll be okay for a good few hours and then it's back to that groggy, moody me after that. Kind of like a cycle. And I feel quite helpless because I honestly have no control over my emotions. I keep feeding myself happy thoughts and encouragement but things don't work this way, or do they? Then I get even upset when I realize how my moods cause me to unintentionally ignore the people who means a great deal to me. Ah, I swear I didn't mean to shut you out or make you feel ignored. And I'm not holding any anger, grudge or sorts against you.
Just hoping that the people I truly truly love and truly truly treasure may somehow chance upon this and don't hold it/whatever I unintentionally made them feel too personally. I just wanna be alone for a moment or two. Here's a fat heart and hug for you all. <3
