... And all the while I am full of this terrible pain so deep that I dare not let it near the surface. As I step back from my own self-absorption, it seems suddenly incredible to me that I am quaking inside, that, emotionally speaking, I am an avalanche that's about to land, in rocks and pebbles and stones... ... Every so often, I space out and say, I'm sorry, I got distracted, what did you just say? And a couple of times I come very close to saying, Can't you see I'm a mess?! Why don't you ask me why?
But I stay silent.
